But you can't see my face, how can you tell I've got the eyes of a lunatic?!

It's been a while since I recounted the many trials and tribulations of online dating. To be honest, I eased off of it for a bit because there's so much garbage you have to wade through to get to anything (sorry, anyone) semi-decent that it can seem downright daunting. That's not to be said that there are no diamonds in the rough (there are diamonds in the rough, right? so help me god there better be diamonds!). BUT there's a lot of just plain old roughhh. When I first started blogging way back in the day (aka 6 months ago) I posted some AWESOME examples of shocking introductory messages I received, and I thought now would be as good a time as any to post a round 2 of horrific-men take heed please do not send these type of messages-messages, because no, unfortunately they didn't stop. I'll let these gems speak for themselves this time, because you're probably mentally annotating the same way I would anyway.

• wow i gotta say that ur drop dead gorgeous!! heyy have u ever had a fantasy of making love to a complete stranger?? :)  

• Hey there! Since you're a paralegal, you most likely thought of this already. However, as an attorney, I feel obligated to advise you to add some kind of a disclaimer to your profile...I suggest something like this: WARNING: Prolonged exposure to the photographs in this profile may cause sudden heart failure and/or death in men. Advice of physician strongly recommended prior to viewing. Profile author expressly waives any and all liability occasioned from use of content and under no circumstances will be liable for injury, property damage or other casualty loss. All other rights are reserved.

• After a rigorously brief overview of your profile, I wanted to let you know I have already married and divorced you in my mind. Thanks for all the wonderful imaginary memories... you will always have a special place in my heart. your ex-hubby, Alex

• Hey Dork: it took me 2 hours to come up with this message.

• Listen all I could think of when I first saw your profile was how bad I wanted to get in your pants, but then I see you are a fan of MGMT and Jay-Z and I'm like hmm. You know that feeling when you're thinking ah this has to be too good to be true? Well this is one of those moments but I gotta ask do you cook too?!! later hermosa ojos :)

• you know what, you make think my friend Joe would love you.

• Hello angel, wow what cloud did you fall off of? Your mother must be beautiful. My name is james, but my friends call me Jimmy. I think you and I could make beautiful music together, and I would treat you like the beautiful classy, woman that you are. Check out my profile, and drop me a line if you're interested. Take care and stay beautiful.

•  I like your hair. I'm unemployed and up for anything! Check me out.

• So I was looking through all these ads here on the internet thinking to myself “Look at all the poor, desperate, lonely women…” and then I saw your ad and thought to myself “Hey, here’s a poor, desperate, lonely woman that’s actually CUTE…” so I thought I’d write and see if you’re as interesting on the inside as you are in this picture…”

• Hello. Wink. Sorry, something in my eye. You seem cool. How do you do? Do you like tacos?

• You could kill somebody with a smile like that...Just imagine. I'm driving down I-87, looking at my cell phone....like ya do....and that smile comes up...where am i? what's happening? It's a minute before I even realize I'm in a fender bender...Maybe you should think more about the danger that smile puts me in and the commuting public in. A) I don't have a car. B) I would never go on the internet while driving in case you thought I was a total lunatic.

• Hello. You are very pretty. Um.....I don't know anything about women. Would you mind if I asked you a few sincere questions that only an utterly clueless male could conceive in the hope that you answer in a sisterly, brutally honest way? Thanks!

• I live in SoHo, right by Channel... and Dash   

• Is your brunette friend single?