It's an inevitability that you're going to run into people you know all the time in New York City. There are certain spots, popular bars, brunch places, or gyms, that there will be surefire encounters whether you want them or not (and correspondingly look hot or like a hot mess). One place however you don't necessarily expect to chance upon random people you know, or at least I didn't, is in the online dating arena. I would think there'd be a much higher likelihood of this on a dating site like jdate (which there probably is) because clearly you're dealing with a smaller number of people with a common theme. But for a general dating site open to the public at large, aka match or okcupid, it's astonishing how quickly the seemingly vast pool of men turns out to be actually quite small.
When you boil it down to the elements involved it makes sense. You're entering criteria that are going to match you based on location, preferences, eduction, interests, etc. so it's not that far fetched that someone you grew up with might turn out similarly to you. But considering how large NYC is, it's still a little crazy and unnerving to have those unexpected encounters....and I've had my share.
The first embarrassing experience I had with an online dating acquaintance was with a guy I went to summer camp with. His picture popped up as one of my matches and when I clicked on him, the initials of his screename confirmed my suspicions that he was indeed the same guy. I had a crush on this guy when I was twelve and his pics still seemed cute, so I figured I'd make light of the situation and send him a friendly/awkward "hello, we went to summer camp together for 8 years" message. A few days (weeks, months, years, still waiting!) went by and he never returned my message, and I had my first brush with online dating induced blushing. He clearly knew who I was and rather than be courteous and act like a normal human he chose to ignore me. My thicker skin began to grow after that.
The next incident also involved summer camp (go figure). I was out with this guy and we weren't particularly hitting it off, we didn't have much to talk about and the date was dragging like a wet bag of hammers. UNTIL we figured out that from the years 1994-1999 we went to the same New Hampshire sleepaway camp! Then we laughed and reminisced for a good solid fifteen minutes about color war, and jello wrestling, and the seven people we knew in common. Then it fell quiet again and we ended the date and didn't schedule a second one. It would've been nice had we felt a rapport thought, what a story for the grandkids!
I also saw a guy on the site that I was friendly with in college but decided not to message due to incident #1, but ended up seeing him at an apartment party a week later in the city anyway. I was sure to bring it up with him after I was sufficiently liquored up, whereupon we laughed nervously with each other for a brief few moments, then split in opposite directions. I had no shame at all in the situation, but apparently disgrace was cast upon his name with the very mention of online dating. How dare thy bring up what goes on in the imaginary world of the interwebz!
Then there's the guy who messages you, seems cute and nice, you get to talkin' and realize that he probably runs in similar social scenes as you. So talkin' leads to stalkin' during which you enter his screename into facebook to see if anything pops up, or his work stats into google and try to figure out anything you can about him pre-date, just to be in the know. This is only when you have time and energy enough to care (as of late I have not, but I will admit I have played this game in the past). It's actually pretty fun because all you really have to go off of is their first name, screename and a few scattered bits of information. It's like you're a real life private eye, cracking the enigmatic mysteries of online dating! The trick with this scenario (and it's happened to me more than once) is to never let on about the pre-date stalking. If they want to bring up the fact that you have 3 mutual (probably irrelevant) facebook friends on your first date, then that's their prerogative. But it's in no way well advised to a) be the first one to admit you already knew that or b) admit you already knew that at all (even if he blurts it out first - retain the power!), because while you may think it's cute that he took the initiative to get to know all about you before date one, he may very well think you're a total creep (which you kind of are, but aren't we all?)
The most recent encounter of this kind was a message I got a few days ago telling me that I looked awfully familiar and asking me if we had a one night stand at some point? At first I was appalled, then curious, then I clicked and the truth was revealed. He was my best friends ex-boyfriend, and no we didn't have that one night stand, it was a joke. So I guess the lesson here kids is in the real world or in the make believe internet one, there's no escaping the many familiar faces of your past.
No comments:
Post a Comment