TMI Taxi

We all know how miserable hailing a taxi is in the rain. So it comes as no shock that during a rainstorm this past weekend, I was pretty psyched to get in a taxi that wasn't even lit up in the first place (what a feat!). I thanked the driver profusely and he in turn took that as a cue to dish about anything and everything. He started off by telling me he's such a handsome man, especially for a cab driver, and even more so in the rain. As we were stopped at the next red light a girl ran up to the cab hoping to get in but then saw that it was occupied. To him that was proof that everyone wants to ride in his cab. "See! I'm so handsome, she can't resist!" I asked if maybe it's just because it's raining and people are desperate, but he told me "No! I'm just very very handsome." He also told me that sometimes partons are disappointed when they get in the cab because they expect it to smell nice like an air freshener, but instead it smells of farts. This was the first time I considered hopping out (but thought better of it because god knows another cab would be near impossible to come by). He proceeded to launch into a diatribe about how today was a very rough day as a cab driver because of SantaCon. (For those who don't know, SantaCon is an all day pub crawl with a mandatory dress code of a full Santa Suit, and mandatory inebriation level of incoherent, wreckless and generally stupid). He told me how he drove Santas around from early this morning through the evening, many of whom were puking in the back of the cab "Where I'm sitting?!" I asked, "Yes, of course!" (Second time I considered getting out). They were also having sex, and lots of it, in the back of the cab, "WHERE I'M SITTING?" I shouted, "Yes yes of course! They can't control themselves, horny Santas!!" (Time to get out now). It's one thing to have some sort of idea of the things that go on in a NYC taxi, it's another to have your driver tell you in detail that they went on mere minutes before right where you're sitting. Needless to say, when I got out of the cab and back to my apartment I took a lengthy hot shower, rubbing off the grime of many dirty Santas.