By now, I've narrowed down the profile prototype I'm seeking out so far that it is very rare someone makes it past phase 1, being a response from me, or better yet, an initial message from me. I see that this may be a terribly flawed plan and I could be missing out on tons of close-to-perfect guys, but it's a plan created out of necessity for not spending all my days and nights looking at profiles, responding to messages, setting up dates, cancelling dates, re-scheduling dates, going on dates, following up with guys, and simultaneously keeping them all straight in my head.
The initial message from a guy has to catch my attention. He should show that he actually read my profile, has something interesting and non-generic to say, and isn't sending out multitudes of identical messages to every lady that he comes across. On the other hand, he shouldn't go on and on and on in the first message because that makes it feel like entirely too much effort to respond to. Be short, to the point, but effective, and please, no ridiculous spelling or grammar mistakes. That is an instant turn-off.
Okay so I like his message. Next comes the oh-so-important profile review. Now be forewarned, this may come across as shallow/ridiculous/what have you, but these are my criteria for ONLINE dating, not necessarily real life. If I met a wonderful guy in real life who didn't fit into some of these categories, that'd be fine because I met him and I actually like him. But without that to go with, you gotta start somewhere to trim the fat.
I check the guy's height, I'm a relatively tall woman so this is an important factor for me. If I'm taller than he is (or close to it), sorry but veto. I then check to see if there's anything that specifically sticks out in a bad way. Like someone who is a diehard devout Catholic, or makes less than $20,000 a year (but isn't a student), or hasn't graduated from college. He has to be in my age-range (mid-20's to 30's). He should live relatively close to me, generally New Jersey doesn't make the cut. I have a friend who won't go out with someone if he says he likes cats but not dogs (to each her own). I generally question guys who say they don't drink at all. If their percentage match is very low that's often a red flag. If it's very high match that tends to hold less significance.
Then I move onto his profile pictures. I'd never go out with someone who has one picture, that's an untrustworthy source and he's probably fugly. And if he's not, then he has very low self-esteem or photographs terribly and that would be a shame for wedding pictures. I kid, I kid (sort of). If his main profile picture is shirtless he is vain. If it's far away he's unattractive and dumb (we're on a dating site, clearly I need to see what you look like). If they're all long-arm photos (aka he took them all himself), he's a weirdo/loner. Veto if he's just plain hideous or too serious, too cocky, or is surrounded by women in every picture. Veto for all pictures of one type (all goofy, or action shots, or shots with his sister's baby cause chick dig dudes who like kids, right?). This list continues, but let's just say if he can't pass this phase (and it may arguably be the hardest phase) then I probably won't even read his profile. It's not just based on looks, I know that, but it's what the guy's choice of pictures says about him as a person.
The meat of the profile is also very important but varies from person to person and is very case specific so I won't go into too much detail here. I'll just say that if it's insanely long I probably won't read it all (and he has too much time on his hands), or insanely short he couldn't care less about this experience and hasn't piqued my interest so why should I waste my time? If under the category of "The Most Private Thing I'm Willing to Admit About Myself" he answers that he's on an online dating site, veto - if he can't even own it, he shouldn't be here. Obsessed with sports and/or working out (and thus having little else to say), veto. Lists "sex" as one of the things he's really good at, veto. Now I'm just imaging you having sex with lots of other girls. Plus, if you have to announce it to the world like that, it's probably BS. Brownie points for originality, is confident in who he is (and is compatible with me), is well traveled (going to Europe once when you were 12 doesn't count), well read (but not arrogant, I hate that), and on and on and on.
It's a dog eat dog world out there. And I'm fully aware that this all may sound ludicrous, but without a system, you're never going to survive online dating. And conversely, I don't get offended when guys don't respond to me either. Everyone has their own set of criteria, and even though I'm great and we may get on smashingly if we were to meet in person, I could've answered one question in the wrong way and immediately the guy chucks me aside. And that's okay, because there are many many more waiting to take his place.
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